Economic risk assessment

I was just about to post about how lost and alone I felt in the world. And then I opened up my email and someone just dropped me a note to say hi. And now I feel...a little less lost I suppose.

I'm a bit down about school at the moment. Not because I'm performing badly or anything - but because...my school is less revolutionary than I would have hoped. I'm in a class that's about the history of planning, (which I probably shouldn't be taking, because I've already learned most of it in classes at Calvin.) But, when I learned about it at Calvin I learned about the specific ways that institutionalized racism influenced the current state of cities. Race divisions, in my opinion, are among the biggest problems facing planners today. At Penn we haven't even talked about race. My professor described redlining as "economic risk-assessment". (Back in the day banks decided to whom to give mortgages according to maps denoting neighborhoods with different color outlines. Red lines meant don't loan to those neighborhoods, so those people ended up stuck in the cities without loans to upgrade homes, while other people were given loans and moved out of cities.) Redlining, yes in a way, was economic risk assessment, but it was entirely based on race! Black people didn't get loans, white people did. That was redlining. You can find the maps online. It was all about race. Those practices live on today. That is why cities are so segregated. This is HUGELY IMPORTANT!

This class just talks about all these grand plans throughout history without even a concession to their negative externalities - who was displaced? who benefitted and who was hurt? what happened to the poor people and their neighborhoods? When Baron von Haussman bulldozed boulevards through Paris, millions of poor people's homes and neighborhoods were destroyed. A real history of planning class would explore that. I was not expecting to come to one of the best planning schools in the country to listen to regressive, pro-planning cheer leading bullshit. In order to be planners we need to know the whole picture of planning in the past. We need to acknowledge the histories of cities both good and bad - both the prettiness of Paris, and the segregation and grittiness of Detroit.

Anyway...sorry for the brief rant. So...I've gotta pick classes for next semester. I feel like being at school has just confused whatever my previous planning goals were. I'm pretty sure I want to keep concentrating in Urban Design, but should I pursue transportation as a supplement? or should I take a little bit of everything? I don't know. What do I want my career to be? What will be my "great work"? I don't remember. My head is too muddled with planning theory and bullshit planning history. Ugh.

So this weekend should be fun. A Halloween party is happening. I don't have a costume yet and I have a ton of work to do. I'm tempted to recluse this weekend but I know I'll end up going out.

Despite slight sadness and frustration, I'm doing alright. It's good to know someone is thinking of me :) I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving like crazy, although I'm trying to enjoy the present. I keep telling myself there's no point in not enjoying where I'm at right now. In the past I've spent too much time looking to the future. If I always look to the future I'll never live because I'm never enjoying the now.

Sorry for the inarticulateness. I'm in the library. I have much left to do tonight. It's rainy here. Werner Herzog gave a talk today that I didn't get to go to cuz the auditorium was too packed :( Richard Serra is speaking tomorrow. I'm going to get there an hour early.

If you've made it this far, I definitely love you for reading this.

<3
Kristin

October status of things

Hi friends,

Another day in Philadelphia. I'm feeling good, although my good mood might be a byproduct of my first cup of coffee. Yesterday I was completely useless - I stayed home cuz my one class was cancelled. I cleaned my room and watched tv. And then took a nap. And then woke up and went bowling at 9:30 p.m. I didn't get dressed til about 9. I didn't leave the house til then. It was lazy but kind of wonderful. I feel like I needed it.

I don't know what I'm feeling. Maybe a hundred wonderful things at once. I saw the Darjeeling Limited two nights ago. Can I just say that Wes Anderson has revolutionized the direction of film? I love the depth of his characters and how his plots aren't formulaic. You don't know what to expect or what to feel. It's so open to interpretation and you're able to relate to the characters as you see fit. I love his attention to detail with all of the sets and props. The cinematography is beautiful, the art direction inspiring. He really creates the world that his characters are portraying. And then I love how the film sits with you. It's just sunken in the bottom of my mind, and then my thoughts drift back to another aspect of it which really affected me. Man. It's a good one. You should see it.

Homecoming is tomorrow. The campus is all set up with tents and booths. The planners are planning a tailgating party. It should be fun. I don't know what I'm going to bring yet.

Today I'm working at the grad center. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up with everything that I need to. I just bought my gym membership so I'll probably head over there sometime today. It's a pretty fancy gym. I'm likin' it.

I don't know if I have any unique or inspirational insights for you today. A few things are on my mind. First, I found a church that I really like - the one that I took my parents to last week. It's Presbyterian, which is a new denomination for me. Little did I know that my dad grew up in a Presbyterian church. The music is awesome. They have a men's choir and a women's choir. Last week a soprano sang this beautiful aria -type hymn. The pastors are great. They bring a pretty deep intellectual approach but at the same time they keep the heart in the message. They also have a group for college and post-college aged people, so hopefully I'll be able to get involved with that. This is the first time I've ever really looked forward to Sunday and getting to know people at church. It's sweet.

At the moment it's muggy here and threatening rain. What kind of crazy October is this?

Free time?

Friends,

This week is not so busy, which is such a blessing. I've got all this time and I don't know what to do with it.

My parents' visit was quite nice. We ate good food and walked all over the city. I showed them my campus then took them to Reading Terminal for lunch. (It's an underground market thing that is crazy and crowded and quintessentially Philly. Words can't do it justice so you'll just have to come see me if you want to see it.) Then we went on the Duck tour - which is a tour around the city on one of those army conversion vehicles that is a bus but then it turns into a boat. It was super fun and silly. Then we went to a movie- Elizabeth: The Golden Age. It was ok, shot really beautifully and acted well, although as always, I kinda hated some of the typical gender role stuff. Then we went to dinner and to bed. On Sunday I took them to my church (which I've only been to a few times, but is quite cool) and they really liked it too. Then we walked up to the Art Museum (and ran up the Rocky steps) and ate brunch at the Art Museum's restaurant. It was a lovely weekend all-in-all and I think they were sad to go.

After they left, Sunday wasn't as hurried and bad as I thought it'd be. I finished everything I needed to. On Monday I found out that I don't have a lab assignment due next week. Hurrah! Then in GIS class the professor actually walked us through how to do the operations we need to know for the assignment instead of lecturing us through them abstractly. Now I feel like a I have a handle on that assignment so I won't have to stumble through it this week. In my design class I had an epiphany. I really enjoy design but often I don't take the time to put in the extra work, and I'm just trying to get the assignment done. Last night I added extra details and really allowed myself to take some artistic license. I think it was/is going to be worth it. But again, no assignment due for next week in that class, which is awesome. My only class tomorrow is cancelled.

So, I have from now through the weekend to get some readings done, catch-up on a few things, and...get a head start on others? Put in extra time somewhere? Have fun? Go out for coffee? The possibilities are endless...

Taking Pleasure in work

Dearest friends,

I'm in the computer lab at Meyerson right now, rather than out on Meyerson's patio for Happy Hour. I'm in some pleasureable zone where I'm enjoying all these different design programs. My new favorite is Sketch-up, seen here ---->
You can design cities and buildings all to scale relatively easily. I only know the basics so far but we're going to learn the in-depth stuff to do building features and whatnot next week.

Last week we used Illustrator to redesign a block to include townhouses, trees, parking spaces, and a park. Again, this design is pretty primitive but you get the idea.

In my Planning Theory class we used Illustrator to do more conceptual maps of cities around the world. Each person copied images from Google Earth and pasted them together as the base map in Photoshop. Then we put that map into Illustrator and drew the land uses on top of it. It was pretty time-consuming but also pretty cool. All of the maps used the same color scheme so they're easy to compare and have aesthetic unity. The map primarily shows land uses - urbanized area, water, agriculture and mining, natural land. The red lines are the primary highways.

Anyway, I have more to finish in Sketch-up and on GIS maps tonight. My parents are getting here around 9, so I hope to be done and home by then...probably not going to happen. Which means I'll be swamped on Sunday. But it's ok. It should be a really fun weekend no matter what.

I just wanted to share some of what I'm making with you. It's cool to me, sorry if it's not cool to you. I love you if you're reading this.

<3

Kristin

It's a hideous day and I couldn't be happier

Dearest friends,
It is done. The week of madness has come to an end.

I've learned a few lessons this week, but it seems they were simmering under the surface while my cognitive mind was too busy to synthesize them. First of all, I am capable of working ahead, and I must work ahead even more now than ever before. Second, working on a project with plenty of time can be a pleasureable experience. I can actually enjoy what I'm learning rather than feeling stressed and hurried. Internalizing my work should be my goal, not just completing the assignment as quickly as possible. Third, and this is much to my chagrin, I don't have the time to be a perfectionist. There's seriously too much to be done to do things as perfectly as I'd like to. I'm not used to this. Perhaps my desire for perfection will force me to work more efficiently so I can churn out the best possible products in an allotted time. Fourth, this week feels like a rite of passage. I've gone through the fire, and regardless of the outcomes, I have succeeded at least a little.

Fifth, it is cold and cloudy today and I love it. LOVE IT. Why is this? Just finishing the test didn't cause my happiness. I was content after the test, and then I went to the computer lab and worked on a few things. But I was not ecstatic til on my bike ride home my nose got cold and my fingers got clammy on the handle bars. I was flooded with joy. But why? I think I finally feel settled. All summer long I was partially here and partially at home. I kept relating the warmth and the summer to what I was missing. I think I subconsiously knew summer was ephemeral and that was hanging over me, like uncertainty and change were just around the corner and they were going to take me by surprise. The advent of the cold feels like I'm settled. I'm here. I belong here. Friendships are getting a bit more settled. Patterns are becoming established.

Mmm...yes, that's an important realization of the day. I'm forming habits. I'm learning how to organize time, learning when to socialize with friends, alloting time for relaxation. Habits feel good. Habits make me feel permanent rather than transient. My perceptions of self, time, space, friends, work and their interrelations are all changing. College for me was forming complex relationships with friends and learning about myself in the process. I internalized my school learning through informal conversations with my friends. Grad school for me is forming complex relationships with different kinds of work and in the process adapting myself to the material and the time constraints. I'm learning my limits and challenging my capacities. It feels very individualistic. I don't know how I feel about that.

Wow. Writing certainly helps one to sort thoughts, no? I hope this is somewhat sensical as my brain is kinda fried. In any case, for your prayers, thoughts, and pump-up songs this week, I thank and love you all.

-Kristin

Smiles, hearts and stars

A few things:

1. Thanks to those of you who've given me song suggestions. They've been great! Keep 'em coming if you'd like. I'll post a completed playlist once I get a chance to put it all together.

2. Brian informed me that my blog's settings didn't allow people who weren't on Blogger to post comments. I think I fixed this. Please let me know if it is/ isn't fixed.

3. Smiles, hearts and stars...
For whatever reason I'm in good spirits. I've been working pretty hard this week, I still have a lot to do, but I'm feeling accomplished. I feel like I can do it. It's all good.

I kind of took a break from the library yesterday. I went running and made cookies for a potluck dinner that we had last night. It was at Clint's parents' house (which is absolutely gorgeous.) People brought great food and I had some great conversations. The cookies went over well: they compelled Stacy to nearly propose. (Stacy is a boy by the way.) I used my mom's monster cookie recipe but I veganized it and made some other top-secret changes. If I make some more I'll mail them around the country for you all to try. Stacy's friend Dylan was in town from Luxembourg (although he's actually British), and he was a riot. David's girlfriend, Alicia? was also in town from law school at UVA. She was really cool too. I think it was the kind of break we all needed - low-key with real food and real friends.

After the dinner some of us went to Doobie's bar around the corner. I had some more really lovely conversations there. It's always good to speak passionately about something and have someone else understand you perfectly. After the bar I guided Stacy and Dylan to Bob and Barbara's (bar) before heading home to crash.

I suppose I could've stayed in last night and tried to get more work done, but I think part of any education is getting to know your peers. Talking about planning-type issues in a more theoretical context is so much more meaningful than exchanging frustrated anecdotes about how much homework we have. I hope there will be more nights like tomorrow night and that I don't let myself get entirely consumed by schoolwork.

Apparently we have a lot of work in this program. Alicia was saying that it sounds like way more work than her law program (and UVA is one of the top law programs in the country). Genevieve, who's roommate in med school, says our workload is at least comparable. I suppose the challenging thing about our program is that it's not just reading and absorbing information. We actually have to produce things: maps, papers, stats labs. And we have to think in a lot of different ways - reading, writing, concepts, numbers, graphics. I guess I like hearing that our program is hard. It makes me feel like I'm doing something legitimate. Perhaps cuz my sister and dad are both doctors I have an inferiority complex about the prestigiousness/intellect required for whatever career I chose. So yeah, it's good to think I'm doing something equally as hard.

Anyway, back to the swamp. Wish me luck. Thanks for your prayers and thoughts. And if you're reading this I love you.

Wanted: Ultimate pump-up playlist

Hi friends,

So from now til next Thursday (as in October 11) will probably be the most work-laden 1.5 weeks of my 17-year school career. Wish me luck. In order for me to survive I'll actually need some help from you all. As some of you have noticed, my current myspace song, "Go For It" by Hot Sundae (from Saved By the Bell), is the best song ever. It has the amazing power to psyche me up and make me laugh all at the same time. I need to compile a playlist of songs in this vein. It's the only way that me or any one else in my program will survive. I've received some good suggestions so far:
"Don't feel like dancin'" by the Scissor Sisters
"The Champions" by Queen - I can actually think of some other good Queen suggestions
"A little bit of heart and soul" by T Pau

You get the picture. I'm not looking for "great music" as in talent, or insightful lyrics, or complex chord progressions, etc. (If it happens to be amazing music, like Queen, that's fine). But what I really need is high energy and a little bit of ridiculousness. And, as I've realized that any song that's even the slightest bit sad makes me instantly introspective and detached, we've got to avoid those. Usually I only like the sad songs but I'm realizing they render me entirely useless.

Ok, so that's your assignment. Now back to mine...my pile of assignments that is. If you're reading this I love you.