Thankfulness

My favorite part of Thanksgiving dinner is when we go around the table and say what we're thankful for.  I know it can be cheesy, but vocalizing the blessings you've received is an incredibly humbling and enlightening experience.  This year my big thanks was for things not going according to plan.  Given my profession, I obviously have lists of far-reaching strategies for each next step in my life. After grad school I expected to be starting over in some new city with some fancy new job, not working two sorta planning jobs back in Michigan.  But only because things went unaccordingly did I get to run the Turkey Trot downtown after not enough sleep, spend two Thanksgiving dinners with wonderful people, play the guitar in a trio, play board games that I previously thought too difficult, and spend memorable times with my best friend and her (my second) family.  In these last few unexpected months, I've been blessed by closer relationships and unbridled happiness because of them. I sometimes get too hung up on my career path - afraid that I'll lose it all if one step is in the wrong direction.  The non-plan is teaching me patience, and reminding me that sometimes we need to be built up by people who love us before we're ready to go chase the next dream.

People who know me well know that I experience occassional "moments of perfection" where I can feel every one of my five senses and the world seems flawless and heavenly for its mundanity.  This quotation explains that more eloquently than I ever could:

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures."

I'm thankful that I believe in a God that I can thank.  Every breath in my lungs, step that I take, color I perceive, and person I love feels like a gift and a promise that there's still some reason that I'm alive.  I get all of these wonderful sensations of life every day, knowing that I'm receiving them so I can give something back.  Gratitude is pretty grand. 

One thing

As I wait around in Michigan, filling my days with potentially worthwhile activities, I wonder where to go from here.  After a few job interviews I have some prospects (all in Mich).  But I wonder whether I should take the first thing that comes along or hold out for my dream job.  Right now I'm pretty comfortable as far as the necessities of life go.  But my passion and my ambition are all welling up and pissed off and ready to change the world.  As nice as it is to be "home," I think this stay is coming to a close.  I know my family wants me to settle around here, and someday maybe I'll be back.  But I want so much more than a comfortable life.  I don't trust comfort.  It lures you into laziness.  It dulls your ambition.  It keeps you from creating. 

One of my friends has this philosophy on life: you can only have one thing that is your number one priority.  I tried to argue with him at first - I mean, can't you have a career and a family that are equally important to you?  The answer is no.  One of them has to come first.  You can fit a lot of things into your day and therefore a lot of priorities onto your list, but at the end of all of it you can only chase one dream at a time.  That one dream determines your life's direction.  You can follow the boy/girl of your affection to a new place, or you can follow your career somewhere else.  Dreams can coincide but they require someone to compromise something else. 

I dunno what my one thing is.  I think it's a career...or maybe just freedom?   I want to make the world better - that's why I want a career.  I want money so I can be free.  To me freedom = not needing a car, being able to pay student loans, and going on lots of adventures.  The question is how long do I sit in comfort before chasing these dreams?  Is someone going to drop the opportunity in my lap, or do I need the pressure of uncertainty to get myself going?

Ah the coffee-induced musings of a Monday morning.

Love you for reading,

K